Holding onto Grace
by Occlumen
Summary: Snape is being bullied by Sirius and James. In order to deal with this he buries himself in schoolwork. However, when he's asked to tutor Lupin, he finds himself torn between love and hatred. Will contain Spoilers. SLASH.


Holding onto Grace  
  
By Occlumen  
  
Disclaimer's Notice: No copyright infringement intended. I am not affiliated with Harry Potter, JK Rowling or any of the publishing companies. This is solely for none profit.  
  
Warning: Slash. Snape/Lupin. Don't read if you don't like the concept of these two male characters in a romantic situation. It will contain spoilers from OOTP. The overall rating is R, so the rating will go up.  
  
Summary: Snape is being bullied by Potter and Black. He buries himself in schoolwork to protect himself from his enemies. When he gets asked to tutor Remus Lupin, he discovers that not all Gryffindors are bad...However, as their relationship grows stronger, the bullying gets worse and soon he finds himself confused between love and resentment. There will be spoilers for OOTP. SLASH!  
  
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Chapter One  
  
@}----'----,----;------  
  
"Welcome back, Snivellus!"  
  
Snape grimaced as the blows came harder.  
  
"Go back to the slimy dungeon where you belong!"  
  
Snape lay choking for air, his legs tangled in his robes. The leg-locking curse restrained his movement; he rolled onto his front, kicking violently as if invisible dogs were snapping at his ankles. As he desperately tried to push himself away, a tall boy hunched over him, punching his stomach.   
  
"Stay away from me!" he expostulated, grasping for his wand that lay hidden amongst the grass. "You'll pay for this! You'll see--"  
  
"Aw...little Snivelly threatening us?" James cooed, his brown eyes flashing savagely, "You can't even give me a nosebleed."  
  
Sirius gave out a short bark of laughter and poising his wand at Snape's chest, shouted, "Silencio!"  
  
Snape paled, his eyes struck with terror. His pained expression grew desperate and frantic. At once, all remaining hope vanished as the two tall figures grinned at each other, clamped him down and held their wands to his throat. On that crisp, Autumn afternoon, no one heard his screams.  
  
____  
  
Severus Snape sat alone in the Slytherin Common Room, lying back on the chaise-lounge despondently. His mind drifted over the pages of his book, '100 ways of protecting yourself against jiggling hexes' by Theophilius Dorkus. Hunched against the armrest, a look of deep gloom has settled across his brow. Severus Snape was miserable. The grip of his fingers loosened on the pages and soon the whole thing slipped softly onto the rug below.  
  
They'd be back again tomorrow...Waiting, waiting for you...He shuddered, wrapped his cloak round tighter and winced as a sharp pain shot up his left shoulder. Don't think, he ordered himself, get back to your essay! Before he could levitate book off the rug, a click of the door distracted him.  
  
"Hey Severus! Why weren't you at potions today?" a thin, rat faced boy inquired, sweeping back his scraggly hair, "You never play truant 'n' Prof. Ignatius wanted to talk to you - y'know, about the whole tuition thingy...apparently you get paid if you're good enough. Wish I could do it, but somehow my cauldron always ends up smelling of melted tires, not to mention lookin' like 'em. He told me to give you this letter."  
  
At this, he poked through his oversized school robe as if searching for a needle in a haystack and took out a small dark green envelope. "Ah..! Here it is...Catch!"  
  
Severus instantly caught it and ripped open the seal. Written on Ignatius's mournful funeral parchment, the letter read,  
  
Mr. Snape,  
  
Referring to our talks over the tuition of certain weaker students, Headmaster Dumbledore has begun a new tuition scheme employing those who are exceptional at potions. You, being a natural choice, have been one of those unfortunate few who must take on this challenge. Having agreed at 3 galleons an hour (a most handsome fee, wouldn't you agree?) you will no doubt find compensation for this rather monotonous task. Your first student will be one Remus Lupin - yes, the one who always manages to turn his potions pink - and he has agreed to meet you every Monday, at 6'o'clock in my dungeons. I trust you not to destroy the whole place.  
  
Tip: always have your wand nearby in case he accidentally blows you both up. He is a pleasant fellow, but dare I say, a little lacking in the brains department.   
  
Yours most sincerely,  
  
Professor Ignatius  
  
Severus, whose family was not the most distinguished, could have used the money. His dragon-monster of a father refused to pay for any of his expenses and an independent financial source wouldn't hurt. Yet something was troubling him; he would have to teach Remus Lupin. Wasn't that that quiet boy who always hung around Potter and Black? What if he was worse than them? What if he told them he was tutoring him in order to beat him up? He certainly showed no protest when they taunted him...The worries whirled through his mind till Monday evening came round.  
  
___  
  
"Your problem Lupin is," said Snape impatiently, "that you refuse to mark the difference between Greymane and Moonstone. Moonstone is a very fine powder of the plant, Greymane. However, just because Greymane and Moonstone are made of the same substances, does not mean that they are used for the same purposes. For example Moonstone is used in..."  
  
Snape went on, but he was positive that none of the information was infiltrating Lupin's mind. He was exceptionally hopeless. Remus was dreamy, distracted, awfully soft spoken and although he made a large effort when focused, none of it seemed to have any effect on his work.   
  
Disappointed and anxious, Lupin wiped his brow with his robe sleeve and said, "Severus, I have done all you have told me to do...and it still doesn't work."  
  
The pink goo fluxated and bubbled, and Severus glared at it furiously. He couldn't understand how anyone could get such a simple potion so wrong!   
  
"Evanesco!" he growled exasperatedly and the whole mess was cleared. Lupin's failure was his failure; they had been working on this for over a month, and there was still no visible sign of improvement in his work. "We'll just have to try again tomorrow."   
  
The lessons had grown from just once a week to three. The wizarding OWLs were coming up this year and if Remus didn't pass with an acceptable mark, he wouldn't be able to take up his course next year. He was aiming to work in the Ministry of Defense specialising in Magical Creatures. Although he wouldn't need to carry on Potions, all students needed at least an A in Potions.   
  
However, it wasn't going as badly as he had anticipated. Although Remus showed no natural interest in potion-making, he managed to keep his optimism up and as of yet, there were no outbursts of temper. His fears of Potter and James seemed irrational looking back at them; in fact, it seemed to have the counter-effect and he even wondered whether Remus had somehow told them to back off a little...  
  
Remus slumped down in his chair, his usually pale face flushed with the steam from the potions. He seemed to come into the lessons immaculately groomed, but then come out of them as if he'd just had been wrestling with a giant hippogriff. His light hair was disheveled, his forehead laced with sweat and his soft pink eyelids drooped with exhaustion.  
  
"This lesson isn't over yet, Mr. Lupin..." Severus announced sharply, "You still have to tell me why you went wrong and what you will be doing differently next time. You're making this far too difficult for yourself. Just clear your mind and think of the task at hand..."  
  
Remus sighed and laid his head on the table. "I can't...I'm useless at this..."  
  
Severus sat down opposite him, pulled in his stool further in and said sternly, "You'll get nowhere with that attitude... At least you try, which is more than some people do..."  
  
"But James and Sirius never try and they always get everything right--"  
  
Severus paled and suppressed the tremor of temper that flared within him. For a moment he had forgotten that Remus was one of them. Everything was ruined, his day was spoiled. Why did he have to mention them two? He remained silent.  
  
Remus sat up and straightened his tousled collar and looked Severus in the eyes earnestly. A small smile broke over his lips, as if he saw something in Severus that only he could see. He fell awfully silent when they weren't working. Severus studied Remus's face and felt his anger melt away; he had a sweet, gentle face, kind compassionate eyes and a serious smile that always made him look concerned. Yet something remained unexplained about him; beneath those soft clam eyes, he could almost see a storm brewing, a fierce grey fire that glinted amongst the clear pale irises. He was hiding something, Snape thought, and sighing wistfully to himself, he added, and is better for it...   
  
Severus could have sworn Remus was thinking something similar to him, for at that moment, he asked, "Do you want to meet up after potions tomorrow? Y'know, take a walk by the greenhouses?"  
  
Severus's heart almost jolted; everyone knew that people went over there when they wanted to be alone, usually for dates...He heard his Slytherin counterparts always brag about kissing so-and-so behind the greenhouses and here was Remus Lupin, a Gryffindor, a well-liked and respectable person from the school, asking him out. He paled.  
  
"Yes, yes of course." he replied, at last trying to recover from his state of shock.  
  
__  
  
To be continued... 


End file.
